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How to change your outlook: Listen to NPR
by Ira Hansen
Jan 09, 2010 | 714 views | 0 0 comments | 12 12 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Tired of bad news? I listened to National Public Radio, the government subsidized newspeak outlet – and man, my whole perspective changed! The glass is not half empty, it’s half full! Economic news remains bad-good and seems to be getting worse-better! For starters – thanks to Sen. Harry Reid we will soon be getting “free” health care. Combining the cost savings of the Pentagon with the efficiency of the DMV will be a dramatic improvement. I can’t wait. What we really need now is a government-subsidized mortgage company or two to help clean up the housing mess. We can call them something clever, like “Danny Mack” and “Penny May.” More good news, according to NPR: We “only” lost 85,000 jobs in December. Unemployment remains at “only” 10 percent across the country. Funny, I thought by now with all that government stimulus money we were supposed to be in a full-blown recovery. But for fun let’s look at things through the NPR prism. More good news: The city of Reno, according to Friday’s Sparks Tribune, will face a $5.6 million dollar shortfall and 48 people may get laid off. That’s not good news? Well, if losing “only” 85,000 jobs is good news, losing a paltry 48 must be great news. More good news: 30,000 more troops are soon to head for Afghanistan, sent by our Nobel Peace Prize winning commander in chief. Have any of his small-minded critics considered this as another “make work” government-to-the-rescue employment scheme? Priming the economic pump? After all, if you dumped all those 150,000 or so combat troops back in the labor market, where are the jobs? Where would all those no-bid contractors find work? What would those Halliburton and Blackwater guys do for a living? Obama got the peace prize and expanded the war. Next should be the Nobel Prize for Economics. More good news: Obama’s Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s (former) partners at Goldman Sachs are doing great. At least one government program is working like it was intended. More good news: The EPA has ruled through an “endangerment finding” that carbon dioxide is a threat to the public health. (Bad news: global temperatures have declined for over a decade. No “computer models” used by the global warming crowd predicted anything but rising temperatures. Damn.) More good news: The 12-day United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen was attended by more than 16,500 jetsetters from around the globe. They generated an estimated 40,586 tons of carbon dioxide — roughly the amount generated for an entire year by the nation of Morocco. More good news: The (former) threat to American manufacturing jobs, Mexican border factories (the “maquiladoras”), are dying off. Mexican labor, averaging about a $1 an hour, is too high, almost three times the Chinese average. More good news: China’s economy continues to roll along, thanks to huge influxes of (formerly American) manufacturing work and no tariffs on imported goods in the American marketplace. We love free trade! More good news: The city of Sparks, now in way over its head trying to “redevelop” Victorian Square, is at an impasse. City Councilman Mike Carrigan said it best: “I think we’ve been doing it for a long time, and to me it’s frustrating because nothing gets done for one reason or another. There have been 15 different ideas for Victorian Square, and none of them have been completed.” Who says government lacks efficiency? More good news: According to a local trade publication, vacancies on commercial properties are approaching 25 percent. That means three out of four are still occupied. Seventy-five percent success! I’m going to listen to (government-subsidized) National Public Radio more often. It just changes your whole perspective! Everything’s great! Happy Kwanza!
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