"Officers, there are two armed men inside," Jones reads.
Garcia simply answers "I hope there are two-armed men in there. One-armed men wouldn't be able to serve tacos."
We all know him as Officer James Garcia -- the hard-nosed police officer who takes his job a bit too seriously, protecting the streets of a palm-tree riddled Reno in the hit Comedy Central show "Reno 911!" But actor Carlos Alazraqui, who bases much of Officer Garcia off of some of the not-so pleasant cops he's met before, has other tricks up his police uniform sleeve.
From reciting those four little words -- "Yo quiero Taco Bell" for the one and only Taco Bell dog to being the voice talent of Rocko from Nickelodeon's "Rocko's Modern Life," Alazraqui has a knack for making people smile and laugh.
"A lot of audiences just know me as Officer Garcia," Alazraqui told the Sparks Tribune, speaking about his comedy stand-up show at Catch A Rising Star this weekend. "People will be in for a pleasant surprise, though."
Sounds ominous, yes. But to hear Alazraqui describe this weekend's comedy routine evokes different dialects and accents, various fictional characters and even a Dr. Phil thrown in for good measure in a grab bag of comedic impersonations and skits.
"I do characters. I do impersonations. I'm really a stream of consciousness kind of guy, (and) that basically comes out during my routines," Alazraqui said, throwing in Simon Cal, Robert De Niro and of course, George Bush as examples of his work. "I'm like those cereal boxes you used to be able to buy with sugar pops and frosted flakes, with everything in it."
Stepping back for just a moment, Alazraqui surprisingly wasn't interested in comedy when he was growing up. Spending much of his time playing sports, it wasn't until college that he tried out at a university stand-up competition on a dare.
"Someone just told me, 'Hey, you're funny' so I started doing it (stand up comedy)," Alazraqui said. "Both of my parents are from Argentina and my mom has a big accent and my friend's parents were from Scotland. I just grew up hearing different dialects and impersonating people. So I kept doing it."
The following years proved that dare worthwhile as Alazraqui has become involved with a wide variety of productions including providing voice talent for the cartoon movie "Happy Feet" alongside Robin Williams, as Mr. Crocker from the cartoon show "Fairly Odd Parents" and landing his own comedy specials on Comedy Central.
And then along came "Reno 911!," an entirely improv-styled satire of cop dramas set in our very own northern Nevada backyard. The show started in 2003, when a rough cast of up and coming comedians were given rough outlines for roles.
"It was perfect really," Alazraqui said, recalling one scene where the only instruction he was given was to simply drive Kenny Rogers around and bore him. "We were given beats (for characters). Most of us are used to riffing off an idea. Comedy helps you think quickly on your feet."
As for Reno itself, Alazraqui has several fond memories of the area, including reading a headline in the Reno Gazette-Journal that read: "India celebrates first execution in 15 years."
"I use it in my routines sometimes," Alazraqui said. "It was a funny headline."
But no matter who he's playing or impersonating, Alazraqui is always enjoying himself.
"I enjoy the variety of what I do," he said. "It's never quite the same."
Alazraqui will be performing at the Catch a Rising Star comedy club located at 407 N. Virginia St. in Reno for six different shows, beginning Friday night and lasting through Sunday night. There will be two shows every night, one starting at 7:30 p.m. and another at 10 p.m. Tickets are $15.95 at the door. The price goes up to $17.95 on Saturday.