First, there’s the matter of Nevada’s “Tea Party favorite,” as the media continues to insist on labeling her. That is only if by “Tea Party” they are referring to the imitation tea produced by the now infamous group of Sacramento political consultants who named their group the “Tea Party Express” purely for marketing purposes.
For the first time since 1996, Angle is not running for public office. Instead, she’s moved on to an even wackier vocation than politics: Hollywood. In a video on her website, everyone’s favorite reason that Harry Reid remains in power talks about her concern that “an epidemic has swept our nation, eating away at the very fabric of our freedom.” She then vows to “expose this underground problem.” And just when we think that Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC’s “To Catch a Predator” is going to enter frame and offer Sharron a glass of lemonade, she reveals that the epidemic is actually “voter fraud and election tampering.” Who knew that our own perky, skinny but equally delusional Michael Moore of the right was incognito for all these years, hiding in the obscure arena of Silver State politics? She might have failed in her bid to send Harry back to Searchlight, but the sky’s the limit for Sharron Angle, bona fide filmmaker.
However, as what we can only hope will be the last official act of her political career, Sharron fired one final shot — her highly anticipated endorsement for the GOP presidential race. Alas, if we only had such valuable knowledge back on caucus day. Nevertheless, here is the statement she released to the National Review Online:
“Rick Santorum and I have known each other for years. He is a strong fiscal and social conservative who stands on principles above politics. He has never wavered in his support for family values understanding the impact that strong families have on a prosperous economy. His continuous opposition to Amnesty, Obamacare, the bail-outs, and cap and trade are a perfect fit with our main street Tea Party movement.”
Translation: Two nuts, same tree, identical political game plan — make sure the guy in office stays firmly rooted there. And in the final headline of cosmically coincidental breaking news, little Ricky had a hissy fit. That’s right, around the time when he landed the big Angle powerhouse endorsement, Santorum allegedly claimed that opponent Mitt Romney would be the “worst Republican in the country to put up against Barack Obama.” Then he clarified, when asked by the press about his comment, that he was only talking about health care. But his clarification apparently came off as a little “snippy” as Al Gore would say to George W. Bush, so a reporter from the New York Times inquired about said snippiness. At which point Santorum’s already seriously scrunched up mouth got even snippier, telling the reporter to “stop lying” (as fans of irony excitedly tweeted their fingers down to the bone). So, of course, the New York Times reporter went for the jugular, innocently asking Santorum what on earth had upset him so. At which point, Santorum blew a socially conservative gasket, cursing at the reporter and thus coining the Twitter hashtag #tantorum. Hey Rick, Howard Dean just called - he wants his primary losing moment back.
Speaking of guys we haven’t heard from in a while, what ever happened to Harry Reid after Sharron Angle didn’t send him back to Searchlight? For a while he was one of Obama’s top BFFs, standing side by side with the president at every opportunity. And it’s not just Harry, either. Obama once had a lot more branches on the ol’ DNC popularity tree. Perhaps that’s the movie Sharron should be making, “Where did all Barack’s BFFs go?” Even some of the notoriously loyal celebrity branches have drifted away amongst the winds of change. The GOP tree might be rotting at its Reagan-planted roots, with nuts like Angle and Santorum falling to the ground, but if the DNC tree loses all its branches too, what do we have left? If two trees fall in the forest of corruption, lies and narcissism, and nobody hears them, does Ron Paul automatically get to be president? Somebody ask a Bilderberg.
Sharron Angle is now accepting tax-deductible donations on her website to support her film project. We should all donate immediately. I’m sure the IRS would be totally cool about it.
Christine Whitmarsh is the owner of local writing firm Christine, Ink. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.