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Lie when that pollster calls you
by Andrew Barbano
Aug 25, 2012 | 7108 views | 2 2 comments | 9 9 recommendations | email to a friend | print
This column was written by a 64 year-old non-partisan Hispanic woman. Me.

She’s the poll respondent I created for former Sparks schoolboy Karl Rove and his minions who call three or four times every evening.

I strongly suggest your lying likewise. Nevada’s economy depends on you.

Last week, I proved beyond a reasonable doubt that the American voter/consumer wants to be lied to like a lovestruck teenager. JC Penney recently announced an “everyday low prices” policy and discontinued short-term discount sales. They tanked.

Most would rather believe a spelling-challenged outfit named Mor Furniture for Less. They constantly advertise the greatest sale ever and apparently do land office business.

People crave entertaining over-hyped bullshit, from the shameless puffery of “prices will never be this low again” to Myth Rumpney’s smirky smarm that “no one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate.” (OK, I’m asking. Prove you’re not a robot.)

Lying drives the American economy and no discipline does it better than follytix.

Candidates are so insecure that they compulsively spend money to shape public approval, then take polls to see if people believe what they’ve been fed. Some believe their own publicity and thus think they can do no wrong. Whether caught swimming naked in holy waters or transgressing on YouTube, they can’t imagine how their legions of fans might think less of them when they display their shortcomings.

Speaking of adequacy, Washoe’s fabled status as the swing county in a swing state stands in jeopardy. Some say the president is lengthening his lead over the Mythmeister and that Nevada may move from tossup to “leaning Obama.”

That will be flat bad for business. TV stations are making millions by marketing nauseating numbers of ads pimping every possible pecadillo.

Big bucks are being spent on staff, printing, rent, supplies, gasoline (ouch!), food, beer, you name it. We can’t risk losing all that action in a down economy.

So do your patriotic duty and lie when that pollster calls. Hispanics are the currently hot target, which is why I morph into an undecided Latina.

Listen carefully to the questions. They will tell you the direction the secret client wants you to go. For instance, multiple choice queries usually allow five options from strongly agree to strongly disagree. One recent Rovian inquiry presented only three possible responses on Obamacare, from lukewarm to burning hatred. Karl’s boys could thus release results that Nevadans uniformly dislike the president’s health care fix.

If you don’t think your way through the questions, you risk disconnection, which is why asserting that you are non-partisan and undecided is the best gateway into their guts.

Then do your job, mi hermana. The Nevada economy depends on you.

Barbwire family silver

This column’s silver anniversary year started two weeks ago.

The first Tribune Barbwire appeared on Aug. 12, 1988, shortly after editor-publisher and current part-owner Randy Frisch took the paper daily. The column had begun in regional magazines the previous year. You will find about 20 years’ worth archived at NevadaLabor.com, including a few award-winners and the 1996 University of Nevada scandals entered in two categories of Pulitzer Prize competition.

My first byline actually appeared in 1973 when the Trib was a weekly. I submitted a press release on water rights that was apparently credible to a point that the editor printed it as a news story.

Even though decade five is upon me, I am still a greenhorn. Former Tribune owner Carl Shelly contributed items well into his nineties. So stay tuned for at least the next 30 years.

Suffragettes celebrate Sunday

Also past 90, the 19th Amendment allowing women to vote was ratified on Aug. 24, 1920, five years after Nevada. About the only good thing we’ve pioneered since was placing “none of the above” on the ballot, something Republicans recently removed.

You may join latter day suffragettes at the Reno federal courthouse at Liberty and S. Virginia Sunday morning from 10 till noon. Celebrate while you can. This state killed equal rights for women in 1977. Given all the GOP-led voter suppression campaigns now infesting the nation, your right to vote stands in similar jeopardy.

Adios, Big Don

A few days ago came word from San Francisco of the passing of former owner and publisher Don Woodward, 84. A good man to do business with, he owned the Gardnerville Record-Courier as well as the Tribune/Big Nickel back in the 1970s.

Then as now, it was a training ground for kids who would leave deep tracks in journalism. Then, as now, the young reporters and permanent staff radiated a warm spirit. I felt right at home proofing ads in the Trib’s backshop on Marietta Way. That feeling abides today.

This publication is one of an increasingly endangered species, a true hometown newspaper for the last 102 years. Embrace it. It’s important.

Tomorrow’s news

The Nevada State AFL-CIO convention gathers Aug. 27-29 at the Grand Sierra Reno...Dr. Jane Lai Mah Woodburn, a top administrator under recently departed former superintendent Heath “Music Man” Morrison, is no longer with the Washoe County School District. See “We Don’t Need No Education” at NevadaLabor.com.

Support

Support the Nevada Citizen TV Project to re-establish a sorely needed non-corporate community channel. Please donate at ReSurge.TV or contact me.

Be well. Raise hell.

Andrew Barbano is a 43-year Nevadan and editor of NevadaLabor.com. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us.
Comments
(2)
Comments-icon Post a Comment
Gail Farmer
|
September 03, 2012
Mitt! Mitt! Mitt!
roger slugg
|
September 22, 2012
i understand willard is changing his name from mitt to omif, as in "open mouth insert foot".
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