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Don’t live too long
by Andrew Barbano
Aug 11, 2012 | 3027 views | 0 0 comments | 3 3 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Ruthless Madame Irony’s minions have sharp teeth that sooner or later will bite you on the ass.

To better cover your buns, here’s how to tell if you’ve lived in Nevada too long.

1. When strangers start asking something like “didn’t you used to be Andy Barbano?”

2. When you know the lyrics to “Egg-sucking Dog from Montana” and shamelessly sing them in public.

3. When you know which restaurants will fix you a special-order spaghetti sandwich.

4. If you start eating spaghetti sandwiches.

5. When you walk into a bar you’ve never patronized and the resident drunk knows your name.

A few years back, I had an appointment to meet some guys at a saloon. I was early, the place was deserted. As I drank my beer, I heard growling.

“Barrrr....bannn....ohhh,” came a dull roar from a dark corner.

In the gloom, I discovered a longtime political figure and businessman, blotto at three o’clock in the afternoon. He didn’t buy me a drink.

6. When the casino knows who you are.

Back in the 1970’s, one of my ad agency employees came to work chuckling on Monday. She had always deposited her pay in the bank, but on the previous Friday she had to go downtown and decided to cash her check at the Cal-Neva cage.

“We can’t cash that. We got nothing on file,” groused the guy on the other side of the bars.

He called a supervisor who looked at my signature and immediately OK’d it.

“Yeah, that’s Andy’s. Everybody knows him.”

I knew no one who worked at the Cal-Neva at the time and have never learned the identity of that cage manager.

7. When you find out that you’ve influenced other people’s kids, and not always for the better.

A couple of years back, I was warmly greeted by a driver at a Teamsters Union meeting. He remembered me from his childhood when I patronized his family’s union printshop in Sparks. I guess I talked to him like a real person instead of treating him like just a kid.

He certainly turned out well, but it doesn’t always work that way.

I recently ran into a guy with whom I did business way back when. He informed me that my conversations with his son had inspired the young man to get into political management.

I have no idea how I led him astray, because today he is rich, famous and very successful — working for the dark side of the force.

Sparks is one of his victims, so if you think there are some things wrong at City Hall, part of the blame lies with me because I’ve lived here too damned long.

Send me your additions to the list.

We don’t need no consumer protection

The U.S. Dept. of Justice will bring no criminal action against the Goldman Sachs banking bandidos. No surprise.

I get a good laugh whenever I hear Reaganaut moonhowlers preach that the answer to all our problems is deregulation, that government interference lies at the root of our troubles.

We already tried total deregulation in a perfect laboratory, a whole country with no laws at all save for a ban on labor unions: Iraq, 2003. The lack of any government oversight was supposed to turn it into an investment magnet, a capitalist paradise spawned by our invasion.

How’s that working so far?

I wish DOJ had spent a fraction of its wasted Goldman budget investigating gasoline pricing. Since 1996, I’ve documented how BigOil has artificially rigged the retail price of petrol for 30 years while beating back every attempt to fix the price-fixing.

Alas and alack, as with major banks, oil companies are too powerful and pugnacious for our protectors to pursue. To feel worse, see the Barbwire Oilogopoly Archive at

Welfare bad, corporate welfare good

Myth Rumpney is pulling a play from the 1966 Ronald Reagan California gubernatorial campaign by bashing welfare recipients, all those lazy swine who refuse to work.

This with about half the nation living at or near the poverty line, depression-level job losses and millions of children going to bed hungry every night.

It’s a shuck, but hate always sells. Which explains why the Mythmeister has named Slimin’ Ryan as his running mate. Gotta starve out them blacks and browns and slackers and stoners.

In his Oscar-winning film “Bowling for Columbine,” Michael Moore told the story of a six year-old who killed another child while playing with a gun. He was unsupervised because his single mother had to labor at two minimum-wage jobs under the Clinton-Gingrich-Gore (oxymoron alert) Welfare to Work Program.

Social insecurity

The Nevada Alliance for Retired Americans will celebrate Social Security’s 77th birthday statewide on Tuesday. For info, call Gail Dietrich at 775-622-6659.

In Reno, death-defyin’ speechifyin’ starts at 10:00 a.m. at the Social Security building on Vassar at Harvard between KRNV TV-4 and the main post office. SS is the last available big pot of money to pump up the worldwide Wall Street casino, which explains Romney’s choice of Retro Ryan.

Support the Nevada Citizen TV Project

Support the Nevada Citizen TV Project to re-establish a non-corporate community channel. Donate at ReSurge.TV or contact me.

I knew we could do if we lived in Nevada long enough.

Be well. Raise hell.

Andrew Barbano is a 43-year Nevadan and editor of Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988. E-mail
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